Writing Quality Reviews!!

1. Talk about the product. Sounds easy. Youd be surprised. No one really cares that your mate thinks its the bestest shirt ever or that it couldnt fit in your locker. They dont know what your taste is, nor the dimensions of your locker. Since we arent selling best friends who think this style of shirt is awesome, its probably best to not pad your review out with random stuff. Dont get me wrong, pad away if its an already extensive review and you just want to add color to it, but dont make the padding the core part of your tale here. 

2. If you havent used it, dont write a review on it.

3. Follow up: If you havent used it in the terrain its supposed to be used then please, just dont. Its annoying. Head to my account! You see those spam flags i have on reviews? I flagged them? You know why? Reason 3. If im flagging my own reviews for breaking this rule, im flagging yours too.

4. Never ever post a thread on an item that you clearly havent used. If youre listing yourself as a guy, about 180lbs, and your review history consists of boards in the 161 range, i dont really want to know your opinion on a 147 space metal fantasy. I dont want to know "your girlfriend"s opinion either through the prism of your account. If she rides it, she can tell me all about it herself by starting an account. This keeps things nice and simple since i dont have to then look for bullshit giveaways that show youre just talking out your ass.

5. Tell me something... ANYTHING... that shows youve actually used the item. Repeating key phrases from the public blurb does nothing, saying "i rode this" does nothing. These are not what a review is about. You using something is a prerequisite for you to even starting your review. See number 2 for confirmation on this point.

6. If you cant figure out what to say about a product, dont review it. Youll just lose a flag and it rings you one step closer to locking you out for good.

7. Unless you are an absolute MASTER of the written word, a one sentence review on a snowboard isnt going to cut it. Sure, some people can condense a thousand thoughts into a single sentence, but that sentence better be the stuff of pure Beckett (which means massive run ons as well as a liberal use of the semi colon over the full stop). Chances are though, you aint one of them. I am. But I am somewhat annoying. So short and sweet for the purposes of illustration. Thus, leading by example. Stop!   

8. Get some days on your product before you review it. Most people dont elly review product for a living so dont really know what they want to say about it. The incentive of FIVE WHOLE POINTS will drive them to review it nonetheless. Theyll screw it up, fill it full of random details that no one looking to purchase the product cares about, and bish bosh! Review done! Theyre often amazed at the flag. Use the product a few times though and i PROMISE YOU, you wont struggle for things to talk about. 

9. You dont need to write an ode to your snowboard boots. Short is fine, but you better err on the side of caution with short reviews and make damn well sure it says 3 or 4 things about the product that i dont know just from looking at the picture/product blurb.

And number 10. Arbitrary stopping point, but this is the absolute main point.

10. The review is not about YOU. Nor is it FOR YOU. Its for TruSnow to help potential customers by providing a direct, hands on description of the product. The product blurb can only tell you so much about a product. People need more information than "this is the greatest board ever!!!" from the manufacturer. Thats where you come in. Your "job" is to take that product blurb, take all those preconceptions you had about the board or whatever, spend some time using it, then RE-EVALUATE those perceptions based upon your hands on experience with the board. The point is for you to help someone who hasnt used the board get an idea of what its about based upon your experience (and other peoples experiences) of the board in order to give them a vague idea of how theyll find the board based on their preconceptions and needs. No review is really going to tell someone the truth about a product, but the more decent reviews, the more chance theyll get an idea of whats going on. 

Making a great review is really damn easy so long as you stick to the product, dont talk about ancillary crap that has nothing to do with it, USE it for a decent amount of time exactly where its supposed to be used and TARGETING it at someone who has no experience of the product, helping them to fill in some of the details and get some kind of idea on where it lives up to the hype as well as where it doesnt. Aim your review at mystery shopper X instead of you and youll find the review pretty much writes itself. 

ETA: A couple more just to round it out a bit: